Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
