That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
