it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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