I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this will be a night to untag.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
