do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
