we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am naked and annoyed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
