I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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