sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A+ Viking dick
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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