I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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