At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
