chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
