In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let's paint friendship bongs
What a dumb baby whore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
