seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize