I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
