I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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