i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pappa wants mamma naked
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
