I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
