all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
