so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
