So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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