I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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