ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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