He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
