It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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