there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
