I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
