just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
