They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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