i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
