I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
