Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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