Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
