She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
