Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
