I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
