So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You can't motorboat a personality
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's the barista slut.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
