Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
