We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
