I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
