College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
