He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
