recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
