I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
