McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
