..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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