i may or may not be watching the land before time
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
