Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
