Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
