apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize