At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
