her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
