so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
