Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
