the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
