Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
