does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
