it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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