i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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