laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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