dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
