So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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