So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
