I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
