I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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