We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
