He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Boobs speak an international language.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
