Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
do nipples grow back?
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