i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
