So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
