you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
